The above is a song that I teach to all of my CanClub kids, to help kids understand that God is always there for us and hears everyone of our prayers. I have been a Christian, well, my whole life. My parents dedicated me weeks after birth, we attended First Baptist at my ripe age of 6 months and I've attended church on Sunday mornings regularly ever since. Mom says that I prayed for God to come into my heart when I was around 4 years old, I was baptized at age 12, in High School I was the president of my school's Christian club for two years. God has never been a fairy tale to me. I have diligently studied his word, and know it as well as I believe I can without any formal training, and I happily minister to others as often as I can because I honestly believe the whole bible.
I say this, and yet, even after so many years in the faith, prayer is something I have always struggled with. I KNOW God hears and answers prayers; But, I rationalize that God knows what I am going to say even before I say it (Psalms 139:4)...therefore, he knows my prayers even before I pray them. So what's the point? And here's the kicker, I already know the answer to this lazy and redundant question, yet still I struggle. My head justifies that God's will is going to be done regardless of my prayer, because he knows the outcome. Proverbs 19:21 states: "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."
So, my prayer is that God will tell me that he hears me. Okay, honestly, this has been my prayer for sometime, but I find myself praying it again, because if prayer is communication with God, as the word tells us, then I want to hear him talk back! I want to hear him say "Shell, I'm listening. " God says in 1 John 5:14 that "the confidence we have in approaching God: [is] that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." I don't want to merely know that he hears me mentally and faithfully, I want to personally, and relationally know that he hears me as well. And so I pray.
It only makes sense that If I want God to answer my prayers, then I need to be more diligent in praying to him. Not just the generic "thank you God for my meal" prayer, nor the sleepy prayer that we pray at the end of each day that is most effective for knocking me out cold "thank you God for my family and for ...zzzzzzzz." (Confession: Sometimes I wake up and realize that the prayer I was praying made no sense because I was praying in a dream while fast asleep. And I know some reading this can totally relate!) So, I have been praying. Real, actual, wide awake, throughout my day prayers. When someone asks me to pray for them, I make it a point to actually do so instead of the Christian cliche response of "Oh, I'll be praying for you..." and then never do so. No! If I say it then I will do it.
In my praying, God has revealed to me his faithfulness effort as well. Throughout my prayers for God to reveal himself on a deeper, personal level, he gently reminds me of the prayers he has answered in my past. I prayed for my alcoholic husband to be released from alcoholism. After 8 years of faithfully praying this prayer, the Lord answered. I prayed for my youngest child who had many, many inutero health scares, to be safely delivered full term. He answered, and not only was she full term, but the stubborn little bugger was a week late and a full size! My scheduled premie was 11 pounds 4 ounces! I am reminded of my husband's prayers for my own life right after Tabby's birth. Then , 6 months later, when my husband battled the bacterial infection, resulting in the amputation of his leg, God was there every step of the way with helping hands of co-workers, family, and friends (and even a few people I didn't know.)
My feeble and pointless attempt to debate God continues as I plea. God, I know you are real. He has been far too evident in my life as my testimony above describes. The occurrences in my life are nothing short of a miracle that cannot be explained away as coincidence and modern medicine. He has been more real to me than many, and for that I am eternally thankful and earthly spoiled. And yet, I still plead with him...GOD I WANT TO HEAR YOU, I WANT TO SEE YOU!
God responds to me with words more gentle than those towards his servant Job. HE says to me: look around you. Can't you see that I am everywhere, and in everything? Can you not see me in the sunrise wishing you a beautiful new day, or in the sunsets bidding you good night? Do you not hear me whisper in the gentle breeze nor see my strengths in the claps of thunder and strikes of lightning? Can you not see me revealed in the eyes of your children or in the faith of the suffering children you minister to in my name? And again, I answer, yes Lord. Of course I do! Don't I stop in my tracks to take in the beauty of each sunrise and sunset? Don't I faithfully pause in the breeze and drink in the storms? Lord, you know I faithfully return to CanClub each and every week, despite my tired eyes from a long and weary day at work! Lord I love you, and I want to hear you speak my name and say "Shell, I am here, I hear your prayers." For God, I know that your work would persist with or without my existence. Your creation has been awed by generations upon generations.
God responds, again, not harshly, but more firmly than before: And who are you that you consider yourself so highly that I should speak to you loudly? Who are you that you deserve more miracles than those which I have already provided? Now faith is assurance of [things] hoped for, a conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1) You have heard my voice audibly. You have seen spiritual darkness with your own eyes, and with those same eyes have watched my name cast out demons! You have witnessed my hand over seas with testimonies of power. What more, Shelley, do you desire from me? What sign do you demand to make your faith evident?!
Humbled, I apologize and explain. "I will not ask; I will not put the LORD to the test." (Isaiah 7:12) Lord, I desire no sign, my faith is firm with or without your voice. Its is not the sign that I seek, but the relationship with you! I have read your word, and I am thankful and humbled that you have magnanimously revealed yourself to me through your physical creation, your written word, the testimonies of your faithful and even through the supernatural phenomenon. Lord, I desire to know that you have not forgotten me, that you continue to hear my prayers...that my prayers are what you desire from me, above my service. Lord, service is my love language, and prayer is my struggle. Teach me to pray Lord. Teach me to understand that you listen.
And then, without his voice, I am reminded of the things I pray and that I do not give him the praise he deserves. The daily protection of my loved ones, the provisions I claim as my own earnings. How many answered prayers go unnoticed? How many blessings go unseen? And, sometimes, those answered prayers that are revealed to me, to us, are shaken off as coincidence? again, I apologize, and find myself praising God for answering me, even in my stubbornness, for conversing with me, about his not conversing with me.
Today, was another day. That God once again, reminded me of the power of prayer.
Monday, I prayed for a friend, as I knew he would be traveling home from Japan. It seemed like a meaningless, and insignificant prayer. I prayer that God would bring him home, to his family safely after being away from a business trip.
And then today, I get this message from him: You have no idea what that prayer means to me. The flight was awful. We hit tremendous turbulence sending people flying to the ceiling, spilling things, food carts upside down, I've been on over 100 flights and this one was insane. Several were injured, none life threatening but some broken bones. I prayed that if it was my time I would at least have some peace.. It wasn't immediate but after a while I did calm down. I believe prayer had something to do with that. It was rough the whole flight home. Thanks for the prayers friend!
Once again, I am humbled by my awesome creator. He answered my prayer, by answering my friend's prayer. I prayed for a friend, God heard my prayer, and not only kept my friend safe, but answered my friend's prayer with comfort as well. So I thank God for hearing, answering, and seeking a relationship with me so much so, that he continues to speak.
Now it's your turn. What do you want to say to God?
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