A Pressing Weight

I went to bed the other night, guilty of falling asleep mid-prayer yet again. While sleep praying I remember asking God to reveal himself to me in all his power as he did to the prophets of old. I couldn't honestly tell you at what point I fell asleep exactly, but I do remember vividly seeing an enormous hand above me. The hand then began to push me down and an unbearable pressing weight was upon me. It was so heavy that I began to gasp for breath, unsure of when the weight baring object would cue some relief. The heavier the weight became, the smaller I got in physical size and the larger the hand became. The weight pressed on and on, I was being pressed to the point that I was becoming unimaginably small and it did not stop until it dawned on me that I am this small in comparison to how big our God is. So small in fact, that my mind cannot fathom the depth, power or awesomeness of who he is. And it was at that moment that the weight evaporated and I found myself wide awake having learned yet another lesson from our Lord from new perspective. I am nothing and he is everything. And yet in my nothingness he loves me, saved me, and calls me his own giving me purpose in his vast plan and design for all of mankind.

Sleeping was obsolete after this vision and realization had passed. I had asked God to revel himself to me, to show himself to me and within moments he was there in all of his "Job chapter 38" authority. He challenged me to "Brace myself..." and prepare for the lesson he was about to teach. And at the end of his lecture, I feel as though I learned the same lesson that Job proclaims in Chapter 42, whereupon I too can humble reply "My ears have heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." (verse 6) I say this not in a rejected or condescending sort of way. At no point of this vision did I feel condemned or belittle. I am a visual person and God was speaking to me vividly so that in the end I could get a taste of his vastness, feeling free to reject my life as "ashes" in exchange for the beauty of his reality.

I saw a hand, I felt a weight, I did not endure a lengthy comparison of knowledge unanswered. I cannot fathom what it would be like to see God's holy face as Moses did on the mount, nor the ability to converse with him as Abram did, and honestly it frightens me a bit to truly comprehend who and what God is in this fashion. As Americans I think we get too wrapped up in the "God is love" mentality, and although that is true-God IS Love, (1 John 4:16) Love is only ONE of God's Attributes, God is also perfectly Holy and perfectly Just. And this tri-fold image gives us a more humble understanding and approach to our Heavenly Father.