Letting it all out

I feel the need to release some much need stem via blogging. So I warn you now, stop reading. This will have no enlightening thoughts, nor will it end in deep reflection, just me, pouring out all that is on my mind. If you continue reading it, I assure you at the end, you will walk away from the computer laughing at me and shaking your head at the time you just wasted. Well, you have been warned.

1.) School work is constantly busy, not that I am complaining because I still love me job. But the newness of it has worn away a bit and now it is just busy. I feel like I am constantly playing catch up with grades, dates, deadlines, and more dates. The more I get ahead, the farther I feel behind. How can I be working so much and feeling as though nothing is getting accomplished? Quarter one is at an end, and so the first benchmark test has been submitted. I have to admit, my students do as terrible as I thought they would, but they didn't do as well as I had hoped either. I use to be super hero teacher to the rescue, but lately, I am lucky if I make it to work on time. I know other moms work full time jobs and manage the house and kids as well, but to be honest, I call it a day if at least one room in the house is clean and the kids are snug in bed. Most days I have the grading caught up, so that is a plus but the following afternoon there is more for me just waiting to be graded and recorded just like the laundry. (Know what I mean?)

2.) Being pregnant (again) has its toll. I feel fat all the time, and I know every pregnant woman does no matter how nice and flattering everyone around you is. I mean I literally worked my butt off t finally fit into a size 12 again (for any skinny Minny's reading this just know that a 12 is a BIG deal) and so now I have no energy to work out, knowing that I am just going to have to start all over again this time next year with even less time available to me having 3 kids under 3, a full time job and a house...the plates just keep stacking up. Again, not complaining, just saying...

3.) Remember how I said at the end of the day I feel happy if one room is clean? That room usually consists of the living room but today it was the kitchen. Wow has that room been sadly neglected. I seriously had no idea and was repulsed to see it for myself. My husband graciously picks up most of the clutter from day to day and my father in law happily does all the dishes, but I have lost all control of that room. I know where nothing is, have somehow lost all my plates, 3 bowls are chipped and there is a scary clash of pots, pans and bake ware looming in the bottom cabinet. God help the unsuspecting sole who dares open the door. The Tupperware is where again? And my silverware drawers are in shambles. The cupboard that used to be neatly organized by spices and kid ware is now a hodgepodge of whatever would fit and I am missing my electric mixer. Heaven help me if I don't blow up the next time I see paper towels and candy wrappers in the recycle. And seriously, what is the funk coming from the trash can? Oh my word I am blasting my own kitchen publicly! But honestly, that is not even close to the worst of it. after grocery shopping today for first time in a month, I discovered, to my horror, (I still shudder) grubs eating the cardboard at the back of the pantry. Thank God for my handy dust buster that thing has saved me from more nastiness that I can count-and my husband who heroically bleached the heck out of the vacuum parts afterward. Needless to say, the cupboards are cleaner than they have been since we moved in, the inside of the fridge was also scrubbed down and I will get to the cupboards tomorrow.

4.) My husband is my best friend. No really he is. I have always known this but lately it is jut multiplying. I have other friends, kinda-not throwing a pity party-I know that they are all busy, but at some point you get to wondering when the constant hang out offers re rejected...anyway, My husband is my best friend. I love snuggling up close to him with a movie after a long day, I love the surprises he leaves for me throughout the week-like a mowed lawn, trimmed lawn edges, cleaned up room, toy extractions, and spontaneous getaways like this weekend's trip to Santa Cruz. We may not have much, but we have more than enough in each other! He renews me daily and listens patiently. Outside of my mom, he is all I have, need and want! :) My mom is my second best friend.

5.) My son is crazy-the end. I love him, he is adorable as all get out. But he is crazy. My daughter is amazing, but super whiny lately (bring on the two's eh?0 Everything is a battle of the wills between her and I like yesterday we had a 5 min. stare down over something that I don't remember at the moment. If I say no, she says yes. If I say eat she refuses. And now that we are mentioning eating how do toddlers survive on such little food? Forget nourishment, I am lucky to get anything down either of them at the moment although Sam who can do no wrong ( I love her dearly, so don't read that wrong I am just insanely jealous of my kids love affair with her at the moment) could get them to eat anything, literally anything.

6.) I am aching for spiritual guidance. My prayer walk is getting stronger than it has been in years and my faith has never wavered, but I feel like the sermons have been dry and I know, I need to get into the word more but finding the time is hard seriously though I know, I should be doing that right now instead of blogging but this is therapy in its own, trust me, I already feel better. Lately, I have been missing my old job simply because it forced me to be in the word daily-after all I taught Bible. So recently I have been taking my neighbor kid to school, don't saint me yet, it is totally on my way anyway, but it helps me to feel like i am doing something for the Lord, even if it is building a relationship with this kiddo. I kick myself though, because I totally had an opportunity to witness and I blew it. After giving him breakfast on the way to dropping him off he asked me why Brandon and I were "so nice" I shrugged my shoulders and made light of it but really knew I should have answered it is Because of Jesus that we act different. I pray I have another opportunity.

So I know I am harder on myself that anyone else. But I adjusting to life. It is different than it has ever been and I am use to chaos and busyness. I know that I am in a season right now, and that this season shall too pass. But until then I fill like I am treading water to stay afloat avoiding drowning at all costs! Ah, I feel better already.