learning discipline

My son hates to feed himself.  At three and a half years of age he is more than capable, he simply refuses to do so.  Each night at dinnertime, I set his plate of food in front of him, but by the meal he and I go head to head , many of the nights I hate to confess, he wins and I feed him out of frustration and march his bottom to bed.  I had tried every suggestion that experienced friends offered including feeding him less by cutting out snacks, feeding him only when he says that he is hungry, sending him to bed without dinner, but nothing works.  I felt horrible, he felt horrible, and he and I both would go to bed crying at night out of pure frustration.  The worst of the ordeal was the expression of pleading he would offer while saying “mommy won’t you please feed me?” Of course I wanted to feed him, he’s my son, I love him, I love to baby him because let’s face it, he won’t be a baby forever.  But the reality is it is my job to teach him how to be self-reliant.

Tonight at dinner, we began the same drawn out dinner drawal. This time, I was bound and determined not to feed him! After all, sitting next to him was his 18 month old sister feeding herself for Pete’s sake! After a half hour had passed he spilled his chocolate milk from spinning his plate around with his fork, he had gotten up twice prior for a “potty” break.  Then, an idea occurred to me.  I set the timer of the microwave for 15 min. and told him that if he did not finish his food, he would be going to bed.  And I left him at the kitchen counter and sat down at the nearby couch. 

For a minuet he sat there.  Then he cried.  Then he sat there.  I had confused him.  He took a few bites, and proclaimed: “I’m done!” So I told him to bring me his plate, he did, and he brought his fork too.  He had taken bites, but he still had food on his plate.  So I sent him back to the counter and told him to finish his food before the timer went off.  HE cried, crawled in my lab and hugged me, sobbingly pleading for me to feed him.  I wanted to so desperately, but firmly sent him back, fully willing to carry through with my consequence.  Then he begged: “But I just want you to hold me..!” I calmly, sympathetically told him that I would Love to hold him, but he had to finish his dinner first.  HE grudgingly got off my lab and returned to the counter and finished his meal.  After inspection and an approving High five, he got down from the counter, put his fork and plate in the kitchen sink, without prompting and said “thank you mom.”

I picked him up and asked him “thanks for what buddy?” His reply was so sweet, “thank you for food.” Being a parent is hard work and anyone who states otherwise is, I am convinced, a liar. Disciplining your child is one of the toughest roles in the job.  But the truth is, kids respect discipline and boundaries.  We too are like children.  We don't like the rules that are placed on us,  as Christians, we sometimes don’t understand when and why God is discipling us.  But once we persevere through the trials, we always come out stronger, smarter, more experienced, and understand the Father’s love for us even more.