Living with Brandon post-amputation has made me aware of such pleasures that are often taken for granted. Don't read me wrong-he is doing AMAZING, so well in fact that he is fully functional a mere 6 months post-operation. If you were to meet him for the first time you would honestly have no idea that he was walking on a prosthetic minus the small limp that gives him away to those of us aware.
As our lives have moved on I praise God for his limited pain in comparison to the years of suffering he endured. But on random occasion, I am brought to tears by a realization of limitation.
For instance, I was cleaning up the house after the tornado of kids went to bed and came across one of his flip flops. I realized I will never by him a pair of flip flops again. Something that we used to treat each other to every summer.
In San Diego, I realized that he will never walk barefoot on the beach again as he will need his shoes to be balanced on his prosthetic. On the same note, I will never get a romantic stroll through the ocean surf holding my love's hand while feeling the water on our bare feet as his prosthetic can't get wet.
He will never run after our children. He has had to give up one of his favorite pastimes of playing air soft with his friends. His shoes need to be specially ordered. And the like...
None of these are significant compared to the quality of life he is now able to conquer, but it never surprises me the overwhelming emotion that occurs with each realization.
Last weekend I went swimming with my brother and kids. Brandon opted to stay in the hotel room to avoid the obvious states of curious strangers. Brandon avoids wearing shorts in public for the same reason. When we took the kids to a local amusement park not too long ago, he actually had to remove his prosthetic in order to get on the kid's roller coaster with our children as his leg wouldn't bend enough.
As the hero that he is I watch him hide his insecurities behind his humor, but as his wife I bare witness to the true feelings only expressed by the slight shift in his eyes. And so I hold his hurt inside secretly sharing in the ongoing grief and mourning his loss each time.
The things he is able to do continues to amaze me. And honestly he is not given enough credit for the mountains he moves everyday. Life has gone on as normal as ever. Despite the obstacles presented, he faces each one bravely, I hold his hand with each one offering support whenever necessary, but mostly to show him that to me, he is still the man I continue to love and admire.
No comments:
Post a Comment