Following the torch

A friend of mine put it simply:

"Marriage is like following your husband into a dark cave with him holding the only torch."

As wives we have to be submissive (one of those things I am still trying to work on and pretty sure I will never master.) Our husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the household.  We wives were created to help....and let's be honest-help we do! Sometimes, I feel like I am doing more help than I feel should be my fair share. 

I love my friend's analogy.  It made so clear the feelings jumbled up inside.  If it were reversed, and the woman was carrying the torch, let's be honest, the man wouldn't go in.  He would want to know where he is going, he would want to lead away from any potential danger, he would want to be in control.  Let's be more honest, so do we as wives.  Control is our nature.  We have our house under control, our work environment is under our control, we even have a few people, who shall rename nameless, under our "control." 

But God revealed to me how I, the wife, am hurting my husband.   See, God created a marriage to be based on trust.  I should trust that my husband has my best intention-now I know that this is not true of every marriage, but I do believe that this is how God set up, and desires our marriages to be.  I should be willing to go into a dark cave with no direction other than that in which my husband is providing.  Instead of coming up with plan A, B, and C of what I will do when he fails(yes, notice I said when...not if)-either leads in the wrong direction, the torch blows out and we are found wandering in the dark, or lead to a horrible demise; I should rely on my husbands plan of protection.  I should trust that IF something does indeed go wrong as I previously supposed, that HE will come up with an additional plan to lead us out of harms way. 

IN helping our husbands, as we were destined to do, we need to first TRUST them.  Probably why God said that we need to RESPECT our husbands, while husbands are supposed to LOVE their wives. (Ephesians 5.)  I think it is natural that our husbands respect us, after all, look at all the many things we juggle and balance in our lives.  I also think it is natural for us wives to love our husbands.  But respect, ah, that is where it gets tricky.  I can honestly say that there have been times in my marriage that I have had blatant disrespect for my husband, and in those moments, I made it very difficult for him to love me. 

God designed marriage to be a very careful balance of dependency.  Neither husband, nor wife, should be an independent party.  And hopefully, when push comes to shove-we wives can and have to admit that our husbands do more than we give them credit for.  If not, I think the cave analogy still comes into play.  See, IF the husband's plan fails, we then need to once again, not rely on ourselves to solve the problem, but be willing to allow God to work through the situation.  We need to ultimately trust in God's will for our lives.  And allow him to direct our steps, our path, our actions, our words.  When our husband fails.  When our husband leads us astray.  When our husbands are not acting according to the word.  It is still our role to be submissive, but no longer submissive to our men, so much as submissive to our God and the covenant we made through him. 

Take Sarai for example in the book of Genesis.  Abraham, Sarah's award winning husband-NOT!, lied to the Pharaoh (king of Egypt) and said that Sarah was not his wife, but rather his sister and gave Sarah to Pharaoh as a wife.  Wait, what? Yes.  Her husband GAVE HER to ANOTHER MAN! Rather than spitting, kicking, cussing and biting, Sarah went into Pharaoh's harem willingly.  Why? She trusted that God would provide, that God would save.  And God did.  Not once, but TWICE! Seriously, read the story (Genesis chapter 20) it is amazing. 

God rewards our faithfulness as wives.  God provides for our families as he sees fit.  Things will go wrong.  Your husband WILL fail you, don't believe me? Look at any marriage documented in the Bible-all failed at some point. But God is firm, God is faithful, God does provide.  If the torch in the cave of our proverbial marriage is snuffed out, that is not our cue to turn tail and run to the first light.  But instead, this is our cue to grasp onto our husbands, hold close in the safety of his arms, and figure out a plan together.  TO listen to his leadership role, and support him in any way we can.  Coming out of the cave is worth it, your marriage will be stronger in the end.