It has been a while since I have visited this blog site. A site that I used to pour hours into with journaled confessions, daily accounts and pondering thoughts.
Today, however, as I sit in my son's classroom, subbing for his absent teacher I feel compelled to write. The students are sitting at their desk, journaling per their sub plan and so I too, will journal my current thoughts.
just over two years ago, Brandon and I made the most drastic change to our lives that we could muster. As the world shut down due to the quick spreading Corona Virus pandemic, we found ourselves exactly where we were always supposed to be-together.
Brandon was away at a Live-in rehabilitation center for his alcohol abuse, a problem that become progressively worse with the onset of his mother's cancer diagnosis and intense pain above the amputation. He had been living in the treatment facility for 7 weeks when we got the call that they too, were shutting down. Those currently living in the facility were being divided into living arrangements: sick and well. Brandon, having had a persistent cough for the previous 2 weeks was preparing to move into the sick wing of the building for quarantine. Living in isolation, he wasn't acutely aware of the global concerns. When he called me, I knew that I had to get him off the ranch and back home with his family. I was torn with this decision, concerned that he would revert back to alcohol, but not knowing the severity of the pandemic-decided it was worth the risk. That if the world was really planning to isolate, and riots ensued, I would want and need him home to help provide and protect. And that if the disease spreading was really as terrible as the media produced it to be, that he would be better quarantined at home than in a sick wing with others who are contaminated. The unknown can truly be a scary thing! Just earlier in the day I too had been sent home from work and told that for the next two weeks-school would be closed.
So, as my husband told me on the phone that he would be moving into quarantine, I told him to wait, I would be there in the morning to pick him up and bring him home. Knowing that he had a cough, knowing that he could be contagious and infect our household with a deadly virus, I decided the risk was worth it-that it would be better, everything would be better, so long as we were together as a family.
I woke the kids up early the next morning. Put their sleepy little heads in the car and tucked them in with pillows and blankets and drove the 4 1/2 hours straight to pick up Brandon at the ranch. I met him in the parking lot, where he sat with luggage packed. I couldn't help notice the barren parking spaces, the open freeways, and the closed stores. No public bathrooms were available so the kids and I used the side of the road to relieve ourselves before making the 4 1/2 hour drive back home. Being tired, Brandon drove us home. I woke when we neared Lathrop to the emergency broadcast signal on the radio announcing the complete closure of society in all of the east bay and surrounding areas. Stay at home. Shelter in place. It was the first time I cried, it was the first time I panicked. I thought of our house, barren of food-how long could we hold up with what was in our shelves?
I looked at Brandon, I had already caught him up on much of the going-ons. He immediately turned off the freeway and we drove to the nearest Food for less. The parking lot was crowded, I knew we needed food but what? For how long? Brandon stayed in the car with the kids, I went in and added anything to the cart that I could including 2 frozen turkeys, dry goods like beans, rice, flour, and other scrap ingredients that I knew I could make stretch. As well as some luxuries including brownie and cake mix to savor in the event that I needed it for the kids' upcoming birthday parties still months away in planning and preparation. Of course, looking back, the extent of purchase was not as necessary as I anticipated, stores still remained open to the public and although some shelves were bare-others had supplies and we never went without.
Through quarantine, our family thrived. Being "stuck" at home together, was in fact exactly what we needed, to the extent that I told the kids it was God's way of answering my prayers. I homeschooled with the kids in fun ways with scavenger hunts, novel studies, US geography games, math books. I didn't unenroll kids from school but they did not log into school online. We learned together. On days that I felt the unknown suffocating me, Brandon took us to the park for walks along the canal or drove us to illegal excursions to the beach at Shark Fin cove for hikes and sand play. Both girl's birthdays came and passed, still we were quarantined. We broke all the social isolation rules and opted to keep the Lord as our primary physician, trusting in him to protect us from sickness. We ate our elderberry, vitamin D, Vitamin C and other supplements that our neighbor (a nurse at the Local ER) suggested. He too calmed our fears as he revealed that most of the sick were not dying, and the most of the dying were diagnosed with other illness on top of covid. I knew in my heart we would be ok, and therefore consumed my focus and energy into loving my family. As time went on I went back to work online-teaching the best I could to students on the other side of the screen. We spent the weekends at the property in Pioneer laying in the sun, outside, observing nature, shooting bows and rifles, fishing, hiking, exploring, laughing, bonding...
WE planned our summer trip to Yellowstone. A trip planned pre-pandemic and one we all decided not to cancel. It was the best decision we ever made. We had the park near to ourselves, exploring the natural phenomena. Towards the end of the trip I received an email that would change our lives forever-a job interview in Coos Bay, OR.
You see, while home, as a family. Brandon and I decided to dream of moving to a place in the mountains near the beach, a place we referred to often when times were hard. But this time, I went farther, I found a job and applied. Little did I know that, not only did I qualify for the job, but I was the most qualified candidate of all 7 applicants. And was offered the position shortly after my interview.
Fast Forward- we have been here now for over two years. Here in the place of our dreams. A location as opposite from the place where I grew up as it could get. We have conquered fears of rejection, isolation, and inadequacy. We have bonded as a family to the point where near daily at least one of us states "I love living here." I vow to not take our mountain home for granted. A home were we build upon our self sufficiency with chickens, eggs, ducks, more eggs, and dreams of adding a garden. A place were we have few friends, but thrive in the existence of our family.
The other day I took Hannah's 8th grade class to the Spencer Butte Ropes Course, and thought about the comparison to the parallel life she would have had in Stockton, had we stayed. In turn, I was so grateful that instead of spending her 8th grade trip at an amusement park with 50-75 students in her grade, she was here, in nature, bonding with her class of 15 classmates. I push into Tabby's 5th grade and teach math 2 times a week, I teach my son and his peers advanced math 4 days a week. I am more involved in their education here, compared to what the experience would have been like had we stayed.
Yesterday, my son rode his bike to violin, while the girls walked down the hill to visit the neighbor and play with her new kittens. Tabby frequently walks another neighbor's pet goats (3 in total) on leash. My kids are outside-playing in nature or inside chatting with friends on their device. We are happy. Life is simple. Sure, there are things that we miss-primarily our church, friends and family alike. But the trade off of my children's innocence and childhood is well worth the return. My husband's sobriety is remarkable and our marriage has never been better, the necessity of staying together, has resulted in a partnership that exceeds friendship. God's voice is all around, in my morning quiet times, in the evening sunsets, on the coastal foggy drives to work, at school in the hugs of my children throughout the day, in the warmth of my husband each night.
I am so grateful. I am so grateful. There is little left in my prayers apart from praise. He used the pandemic to move us. To separate us from all that was holding us in Stockton and moved us to the green paradise of Oregon's South Coast.
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