just me

Part of my dilemma in this journey towards rediscovering myself is the tangled web of truth lying between my present confusions. The very fact that I crave new adventures is not a hinderence or roadblock but a blinding clue to my self existence. Carpe diam, seize the day, YOLO-you only live once, is a blaring reality that I confront daily. Not because I'm dying but because I truly know that my faith has propetuated the realization that my time here on earth is short and I must therefore make the most of it. I try to do everything in my capability to serve Christ in his kingdom while feeding my tastebuds for my appetite of his world and people. I marvel at his existence with each new experience and learn more about his grace with each new encounter. Leading groups of people in my classroom, church, scouts, etc is effortless, and admittingly energizing. That in fact when I am not serving my Lord is when I truly encounter identity amnesia. I know his calling over my life is strong and multifaceted and for that I am grateful. I know that speaking and teaching are my gifts, and I can say that with proud humility. I learn when I teach for I truly believe he uses me as a vessel when I allow him to.

     I've also come to realize that the intricacies of my personal favorite things provide me with personal flair and uniqueness. That The Lord himself handcrafted my being in my mother's womb in HIS likeness.

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34 facts about me: 

1. Manatees are my favorite animal-I love the less loved of the world. The ugly, the lonely, the largely isolated and abused, the less popular. The rough exterior with gentle hearts. The silenced. 

2. Teal is my favorite color-neutral, calm, brilliant, bold. One color, made by the influence of blending other colors together, mixing the perfect amount of life's blue sorrows with happy yellow memories, and a hint of God's green earth to resemble the intensity of the oceans mystery. 

3. My socks never match and to be honest I'm much happier without any...shoes too for that matter-"life's too short for matching socks!" I love the transparency of mismatched wardrobes. My children too strut their inner Punky Bruster unabashed by the world's materialism, confident in themselves, thankful for each garment they've careful chosen donated to them by the secondhand generosity of others. Just as He clothes the lillies he clothes my family and for that we happily praise him in our worn, mismatched foot garments. 

4. My favorite movies are The BFG and EVER AFTER. It's true I'm a big ole kid and a hopeless romantic at heart! 

5. The Black Rose is my all time favorite book-adventure woven into historical texts with traces of innocent romance lingering beneath the pages. 

6. Hebrews 11:6, Philippians 4:1-13, and 2 Timothy 1:7 are my life verses. Look them up. Read them. I strive to live out these verses in EVERY area of my life! 

7. Orange Aloe Cactis, Dutch Glad, Calas, and Agapanthas are my favorite flowers. The secret similarity: they are all bulbs from my grandmother's garden. Every time I see them bloom in my own garden I'm swathed in nostalgic memories of my childhood and my beloved Grandma Char! 

8. Springer Spaniels are my favorite canines-hyper, obedient, smart, loyal and snugly just like my children! 

9. Drinking warm beverages from my tumbler comforts me-it's my adult sippy cup. 

10. My husband is my best friend. 

11. Francine Rivers is my favorite author 

12. I'm most confident about myself around children

13. Insects fascinate me. 

14. My greatest fear is to pass up an opportunity that I might regret later. 

15. Fresh cut grass is my favorite smell. 

16. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day although I rarely eat it

17. I binge watch TV series in between long periods without tv at all. 

18. I love to write, but feel inadequate in my words. I was in the AP English class in high school and always felt like the dumbest kid in the class. I still remember the name and face of my intellectual bully...although he is probably clueless that his words left such a lasting impression on my self conscious. He is the reason I second guess myself daily, and the reason I strive to improve...a bully that now echos in my brain daily. 

19. Yard Work is my stress relief. The results are immediate and lasting through the seasons. 

20. Adele, Norah Jones, and Jack Johnson are my favorite musicians. 

21. Biking is my exercise of choice. Although I have recently begun to explore the world of Kayaking.  I'll run, with good company, and hike to see new sights. I hate the gym, and see no point in a membership.

22. I'm an extroverted introvert, and this reality produces a confused perception about me to others. 

23. the Necklace is my accessory of choice. 

24. I love being a mother, and use to call myself the mother of the world, but as my children grow I find myself clinging to them more and more, trying to relish each and every day.  Trading in my mothering for others into a selfish mothering for the ones God Gave ME specifically.  

25. I love the rain, and enjoy thunder and lightning storms more than fireworks! 

26. I am torn between my love for the mountains and my love for the ocean.  Having both a short distance from home is why I love living in California. 

27. I am a conservative Republican.  I believe in all traditional morals and values, but truly appreciate my freedoms.  

28. Autobiographies are my book genre of choice. 

29. I have a love/hate relationship with social media.  I hate how public and addicting it can be, but I love sharing photos of my family and seeing the daily routine of my friends.  

30. Christmas is my favorite holiday, my husband often has to curb my decorating.  I try to make each season of the year memorable for my kids. 

31.Winter is my favorite season, I love wearing cozy sweaters and slippers and lounging around the house.  If I could trade my two months of summer for two months of winter, I would do that in a heart beat! 

32. I am frugal, not cheap.  Many people get those two things confused.  I don't like spending money on myself and don't enjoy buying my kids "things" that will one day end up in the trash, so I'd rather save our money for things that are long lasting and memorable. (i.e. vacations!) 

33. I'm a sweet tooth, but I love my vegetables too! 

34. I am always trying to improve myself, and I am my biggest critic.  I hold myself up to high standards and rarely settle for anything less than I think is acceptable.  

35. I strive to set myself apart and inspire others.