When he first told us, I put on my brave face and told him that we will support him with his decision, in reality what choice do we have? He is a grown man, he is going to make his own decisions. And to be honest, I saw it coming, but I was hurt. What is so wrong with my family that he wants to move out? I blamed my brother in law and his live in girlfriend. They have been talking to him about moving out for over a year. Brandon and his brother Robbie are very competitive with one another. If Robbie gets something he calls to brag and soon after Brandon wants it. If Brandon has something the situation is reversed and Robbie gets it. I assumed that Robbie wanted Dad because Brandon had him.
The thing that hurts I think, is that Tom won't give us a reason why he wants to move out. In fact he won't even be honest about moving out. "Robbie wants me to move in with him." Is all he says. He claims that he is going to give it 3 months to "see how it goes" and if things don't work out he wants to move back in with us. But I feel stiffed. Part of me just wants to say, make it work out. There are plenty of things that Tom does to drive me up the wall like:
1.) Run my PG&E bill out the roof by leaving the doors open and the air on, never turning off lights or TV etc.
2.) waking my kids up during nap with his loud habits
3.) Constantly throwing trash away in our recycling bin
4.) Not locking my house up when he leaves and we are away
5.) Hiding my dishes when he puts them away
6.) Disciplining my friends kids when they come over to visit or interrupting in our conversations at THE most inappropriate time.
These are just some examples, trust me there are more that I overlook daily chalking them off to old age. He is not an easy person to live with to say the least, but even I can admit that I am not the easiest person to live with either. I get irritated because I have hardly EVER confronted Tom on things that bother, annoy and perturb me. I have given him respect that he deserves and we go on about our lives; because when you live with someone, that is what you do-you deal with things you don't like and focus on the stuff that you do. Part of me feels as though I should say "good riddance" but I know better. I am now focusing on the things I dislike about Tom, putting up a wall to avoid feeling hurt that he is choosing to leave.
The truth of the matter is I have never regretted having Tom move in with us. When he moved in he was in a horrible living condition. Sick and dying, living on my mother'in law's couch while she gallivanted around with her new boyfriend, waiting for Tom to die. He was a burden to her, and he later admitted that he wanted to die. When he first moved in he was given 6 months to a year by a doctor. His lungs could not hold up. But after the move, his health quickly improved. So much so he would go for walks up and down the driveway. Go through the boxes in our garage "cleaning" the garage and always make us laugh as he would show us the things that he "found." (like we didn't know they were there.) He would store up the phone books in the bottom of the drawers, and always let us "borrow" them when we needed one. He would call my dad to come over with his truck and take him to the hardware stores and woodcraft with the tools in the garage. He built us Shelves and workbenches.
When he moved in, we told him there was no pre-condition to this arrangement. We never charged him rent. Never expected anything from him, yet he insisted on buying our groceries and I would roll my eyes at the list he provided each time he sent me as I swear to you he never even looked in the fridge before writing his list and I would cross off the many things we did not need. In the past three years as a major appliance would break, he would insist on buying us a new one including a new water heater, washer and dryer. He is a very kind and generous man.
When he moved in Hannah was three months old, since his living here, we have increased our family size 3-fold. His love for the kids is astounding. Their love for him is returned. The kids love to go into papa Tom's room and watch cartoons. HE has been a great help in watching them too, as Brandon and I can sneak away after we put them to sleep for grocery shopping outings, and even a date night or two. Tom loves to rock the baby, tough guy it out with Zech and snuggle with Hannah. In fact on his last trip to the hospital, we had the kids make a movie telling Papa they love and miss him and he got tear-eyed. He truly loves my kids in return.
Over the years, Tom and I have had our ups and downs. He and I certainly work them out differently. My number one concern is his smoking and I have told him as much. I am a confrontational person, he avoids confrontation all together. We have let him in on the secrets of our life, and it has been nice having a confidant when things are not going well, although I will admit I have never given much thought to his advice. When he went into the hospital the first time he made Brandon his power of attorney and me over his finances. It was a very scary time for all of us, and I worried that he might not pull out of it. Our house was oddly quiet during his stay in the hospital, and we missed his presence worrying over his health.
Tom and I use to sit in his room and have serious faith based discussions. I would take every opportunity to express my concern for his soul. God says in Ecclesiastes that there is a time and a season for everything. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Tom was meant to move in with us. As over the years he went from resisting church with us, to waking up ready to go, and during his last visit to the hospital, he told our pastor that he was ready to make Jesus Christ Lord and Savior over his life and accepted Jesus as such in his heart.
The truth of the matter is, despite all the things Tom does that gets under my skin, I am going to miss the old man that I have grown to love. I don't know if he will ever come back into our home, and I agree that our home has outgrown the number of rooms per person ratio, but all in all, he has become a part of our family and I will miss him dearly.
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