IN memory of....

My Grandma. No one word can really encompass the kind of person she was. No memory can isolate her personality. She was, and is an incredible woman who will be missed by so many.

As a child, Grandma's house was my favorite place to go. I remember running through the fields catching gophers and snakes to feed to the chickens. Climbing the logs and dirt hills, hiding in the ditches dug out by the back-hoe, climbing trees, picking fruit, shooting be-be guns, sleeping over in that oh so cold room upstairs. I remember always looking at the hundreds of pictures of family on the walls, in the albums, everywhere. I remember various animals hanging around her dilapidated farm. I remember motor homes in her fields, playing spoons in the family band at get togethers. Camping trips after camping trips. But most of all, I remember Grandma at Grandma's house. Always smiling, and telling us what to do, or laughing at our rambunctiousness, even scolding us grandchildren for one thing or another. I remember Holiday's at Grandma's with the big thanksgiving two room spread, with all of us cousins making popcorn balls, or Christmas ornaments, Uncle Matt starting the annual Christmas present wrapping fight. Hunting eggs, Painting rocks, canning jellies. Our annual birthday lunch at Casa Flores.

But it was not until later in my adult life that I learned to love Grandma outside of the events surrounding her house. During college I would come home for visits and sit under the canvas tent learning about flowers and gardening tips. Talking about memories from her past as we journaled through the stacks of our shared ancestry. I remember that boy next-door that always helped Grandma pull weeds, rake leaves, walk with her after her heart surgery. I remember Grandma telling me that- that was the kind of boy a girl should marry, and if one of her grand daughters didn't figure that out soon, she would have to marry him herself.

I remember grandma's smile when I walked down the aisle towards that boy she chose for me. I remember coming for visits on random weeknights always ready to eat whatever she had to feed me, because Grandma loves to feed anyone who comes over. I remember feeling ashamed to be too busy to go visit my dear grandmother, but she was always understanding of the time in between each visit. I remember her joy to learn I was expecting my first child and the sorrow she expressed with her strong hug when she learned I miscarried, and her joy again to accept my foster daughters teaching them the same values and traditions she taught me. "Grandma Jelly" they called her happily. I remember her excitement again when I told her I was expecting once more.

I remember her holding my first born, posing for countless 4 generations pictures. I remember her excitement when I brought friends over with me that summer to pickle, and her laughter when she learned we dropped the case loosing all of our hard efforts to shard glass and splattered vinegar. I remember taking her grocery shopping and getting in trouble for spending too much. Don't I know the discounts I could find at Centromart and Grocery Outlet?! I remember taking her to the cemetery, dusting off grandpa's headstone for her when she couldn't bend over anymore, arranging the flowers we cut from the garden. I remember our last visit to Mojave, one of her two favorite places. Her laughter at anything and everything there.

I remember her getting frail, this was hard to watch. I remember her loosing control of her life, and her feisty efforts to keep control. I remember her moving in with my mom, because I got to see her more, a two for one every time I visited mom. I remember the joy she found in each of my daughter's firsts. She was there when my water broke with my second, and jumped up and down in excitement at the coming of her great grandson (a rarity in a sea of girls.)

I remember visiting her in the hospital just last week, yet again defeating the grim news of yet another doctor. She was a feisty old gal, her did what she wanted when she wanted and no one would tell her otherwise she reminded me when I dared to agree with my mother regarding her need for a hospital bed. I remember the call I made to mom, the panic in her voice, I remember running to the car shoeless hurrying to be by her side.

I remember sitting by her bed, first thing she asked me was "Where are the kids?" I told her at home asleep. She told me she was scared, and that I should pray for her. I told her I do, I am. We talked about Jesus, what he did on the Cross for all of us, that we need to give him control of our lives, of our load. She nodded her head and rolled over. I remember holding her, eyes closed in my arms as I cradled her as I would my daughter, they way she once held me I am sure. I remember even at this moment, she found time to make me laugh, crack a joke. She asked me if I thought she should go to the hospital. She didn't want to. I told her the truth-I didn't think it would help much. She told me to take her home.

I remember dad and Uncle Mark carrying her to the car. I remember tucking the blanket around her neck and feet so she would not get cold. I remember kissing her on the cheek. I told her I love you, she softly whispered it back as I closed the car door. I remember my mom and I packing up the belongings she might need, ad then the conversation we had remembering her in my car close behind. I remember the love that surrounded each final decision. I remember her calling out to Jesus. I remember all the loved ones that surrounded her. Her whole life she was loved by many. I remember her thinking about others right up until the end- Not wanting to let go until all her children were together again. I remember the peace at the end. The verse read by the pastor, the prayer she didn't hear the end of.

I remember because I was there. I remember because she was there for any moment worth remembering. I love you grandma, I always will. I learned so much from you that I will gladly pass on to the next generations. Thank you for who you were. I look forward to being with you again.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4